Tuesday, July 8, 2008

A new beginning

A new beginning has never been so tough and easy at the same time. Transition from school to junior college was easy for me. While most of the girls missed school, I had no pangs of longing. In fact I fervently hoped that I shouldn’t find someone from school in college. I was pretty excited about this new beginning and wanted it to be new- without any traces of the past. And that it was – new- I began afresh, no one knew me. So I made new friends and a new image (or so I thought). Everything was nice and fun. I loved it and never missed school. Not that I had an extremely bad experience there, just that I enjoyed the freshness of everything around me. I felt different and this excited me.

I left junior college to join senior college, once again filled with a lot of excitement. I had high hopes and many dreams. My new college set my pulse racing. It was lovely and again I didn’t miss junior college. However, this time I missed my friends. Missed them a lot. It felt like a physical pain. I am a very reserved person. It takes me a lot of time to settle down in a place. It was different in school I’d make friends with the girls around my seat. So I had rotating friends- they’d change as and when teacher would change the seating arrangement (we had to sit at a fixed place allotted by our class teacher). But that wasn’t a problem I always had company I enjoyed. But in junior college things had changed, I had changed. Or may be it was a result of my freedom to sit wherever I liked. I ended up spending two years of junior college with just four other girls. Yes, just four, no more friends. We were like a cloister. We didn’t attend college unless three out of the five of us were present.

So in senior college I felt lost. I had to sit with other people- after a gap of two years. Oh! I was so used to sitting with just them. But then slowly I got integrated, made new friends. And I began to enjoy again. Senior college was fun. In fact it was excellent. I didn’t get stuck up with a few people as I had done in J.C. so when I left senior college to join Law College I thought this transition will be a cake walk. After all I wasn’t attached to anybody as such.

But then for the first time a new beginning was so tough and easy at the same time. Easy- because in post-graduation people seemed to become friends pretty easily. There was no need to get adjusted; people were not interested in that. So I made acquaintances in the first 5 minutes, despite being late by a week. The delay didn’t seem to create any problem. The atmosphere on the whole was very casual.

However, I was very uneasy. For the first time I didn’t feel excited while going to a new college. For the first time I missed an institution, not certain people, but an institution.
The campus, the canteen, the bookshop, the Xerox shop, the coffee vending machine, the trees, the corridor, the benches, the blackboard, the long climb to my class, the view of the Arabian sea from our classroom’s window, everything. Without realizing I had developed a bond with the institution. And I miss it.

As I go to Law College daily, I miss my college. And what makes it tougher is that I won’t be able to love my new college in the same way. Despite being the best law college in Mumbai it is as dingy as can be. The only solace is that the staff here does teach well.

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